Excess

my moon, my man.

2009-12-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

It's no secret that although I love the moon; I rarely get to see it at it's best. This is generally because by the time the moon comes up, I'm already sleepy. But now with the time change, I can love the moon at long last. Such a beautiful thing, even though, it's probably fairly ugly up close. Not to say that the moon is ugly, well.... it's like one of the paintings you have to look at from far away first. I don't plan on leaving the planet for a long while, but in the meantime, I think I'd rather stay away from the moon. Actually, I'd rather stay away from any place that has no oxygen. Still, I've fallen a little off topic, but who cares, really? I could start talking about hormonal chipmunks and you would have to deal with it; well, for as long as you continued to read. Anyway, back to the matter at hand: I adore the moon. It's the skys' giant nightlight. And I was scared of the dark as a child, so this revelation about the moon helped keep me from jumping out of my bedroom window in fear that my Miss Piggy doll was going to use me as a pin cushion while I slept. Because of that fear (and many others that developed from creepy inanimate objects) my parents began to lock my dolls in the closet when I would go to bed. Great, now there was an army of angry dolls in my closet. So one night, as I sat up against the headboard of my bed, convinced I could hear the dolls conspiring against me, the moon came flooding into my bedroom window. Almost immediately I felt comforted. I can proudly say that I haven't cried about killer dolls in my room for quite a few years now ( Don't judge me, you know those things with their vacant expressions were just as evil as sin itself) . I owe a lot of this to the gorgeous moon that I am now able to see, and to my parents, who finally threw my sadistic pieces of plastic in the dumpster.

Whatchu' talkin' bout Willis?

2009-12-12T17:04:00.000-08:00

Slang.... Americas' real pastime. Am I saying that rather than watching baseball, Americans are gathered around a large circular table inventing new lingo? No. But you have to admit, new slang is hard to keep up with. So why not use OLD slang? I'm not talking about words like "tight", "poppin" , or "shiznit" although the last one is pretty fun to say. I'm referring to words like "swell", "neat-oh", "nifty", bees knees", "the pits", "hoodlums" and words of that nature. This way, our older generations can stay hip too. Sure, laugh at my suggestion, but everything comes back: spandex, neon colours, leg warmers, ray-bans, and even vinyl *scoff* (freaking hipsters). Why not bring back some slang? I mean, it would pretty swell if everyone used it, don't you think? If you need a tutorial on how to use these terms, simply ask someone over the age of 60; they're sure to be pleased with your inquiry. I've developed a list of words that I am now putting into circulation in my everyday vernacular(at the expense of my friends being embaressed):

nifty - "Gee, that sweater you're wearing sure is nifty. Where could I get one like it?"
posse- "I'll be coming over soon, is it alright if some of my posse come too?"
neat-oh-" I just got a new pair of shoes!" "Neat-oh!"
the pits- "James and I just broke up. This really is the pits. I'm going to go jump off a bridge now."
swell- "That girl in my gym class that I hate just shattered her leg. Isn't that just swell?!"
hoodlums- "Those darn hoodlums stole my bike! Someone grab my uzi."
gay- " I feel pretty gay today; I'm sorry you feel so crappy Johnny. Atleast one of us is happy, right? Oh come on, I didn't mean to sleep with your girlfriend. Cheer up."
bees kness- " I think I had drunken sex with that bum over there." "Oh, well that's not the bees knees." "Nope, I think I have AIDS now."

Now armed with some of this previously used slang, I bid you out into the world. Go and be gay with your new slang! I know I will.

untitled

2009-12-11T20:20:00.000-08:00

The human condition is a fascinating thing. Most obvious in the relationships between other people. How we affect and become affected by others. I won't beat around the bush with this topic, I'm talking about LOVE. We're all subject to it. There are no words that can sum up the strange thing called love. However, I do think there is a song that can sum it up rather well (for me, anyway). :

HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU GRIN?

2009-12-06T13:48:00.000-08:00

Alright, we all have a movie that pulls on our heart strings. Maybe not necessarily to make us cry, but just to make us think “Damn, that sucked.” Let’s face it, we watch these movies, get involved with the characters, and can’t help but feel a little like we know them. Much like reading a book, we can become completely drawn into a film. So I decided to make a list of movies that pull me in, and then make me go “Damn, that sucked” or ball my eyes out. In order from least heart wrenching movie, to total cry fest:
10. Joe Pescis’ character Nicky Santoro is killed by the boss’ for having kicked up too much of a fuss in Las Vegas in the movie Casino(who broke the record for having said the word FUCK over 400 times) . I really did enjoy that potty mouth gangster throughout the movie. He brings out the inner gangster Italian in all of us.
9. Kirsten Dunst is completely cooked in the sunlight in Interview with the Vampire. That really was unfortunate, I mean, that girl had it tough: Being a grown woman in a child’s body. So it was understandable that she was a little, demonic. I didn’t think she should have been killed like that…but I guess that’s the surest way to get rid of a vampire.
8. Everyone’s favorite Cuban is gunned down in his mansion. Yes, I’m talking about Tony Montana in Scarface. Sure, his character was probably too loaded to feel most of the gunshots, but that still must have sucked. I do believe though, that in order for the movie to have reached its full potential, he had to die. It was critical to the plot, but man, I loved his attitude. What can I say; I have a fetish for gangster movies, mayne.
7. Boromir dies at the end of the first Lord of the Rings movie. Arrows shot into nearly every part of his body. Ouch? I think so. Yes, he got a little greedy and tried to take the ring from Frodo, but come on, we all would have tried to take that ring from him. Frodo just looked like such a pushover to me. Plus, he made nice by helping out the other little hobbits.
6. Haley Joel Osment is stabbed and killed by a fellow classmate in the tear-jerker Pay it Forward. All this kid wanted to do was make the world a better place. There was no reason for his death; that movie moment totally sucked.
5. Back to the gangster films; Tom Hanks’ character is shot and killed by Jude Law in the movie Road to Perdition. Sure Hanks was a hitman, but does that mean he has to be shot? I mean, I thought he got his karma when his wife and kid were killed. Talk about a tough break.
4. This movie is a bit of a chick flick it's called Love Story. But it’s from the 1970’s so it’s pure cheese and love and all that good stuff. Like The Notebook of its time. Heart-breaking moment: In the movie when the man’s wife is diagnosed with terminal cancer and is checked into the hospital. Anything that involves a terminal illness isn’t going to pan out very well.
3. Three words: Terms of Endearment. This movie is completely set up to make you cry, whether you want or not. You fall completely in love with the mother-daughter relationship, and can’t help but feel for all of the characters in the movie. So when Shirley McLaine’s daughter is lying in the hospital in pain, we all want them to just give her the damn medicine!
2. The scene where Timothy Hutton finally opens up to his psychiatrist in Ordinary People. The drama is similar to that if Terms of Endearment, but unlike Terms of Endearment, you haven’t watched the characters grow up. We’re presented with a family already in crisis. The acting in this movie is incredible.
1. This movie makes me sad every time I watch it: The Lion King. Talk about a brutal death, Mufasa is thrown into a stampede by his own brother; Simba took the heat. In the end, Simba has to kill his own uncle, Scar. Now that’s a family that needed some therapy. That movie is intense, especially for Disney.

CHECK ME OUT!

2009-11-28T12:03:00.000-08:00

Alright, so from now on, at the end of each month, I will post a blog giving my recommendations for books, music, movies, shops, and places to eat. If you aren't in Los Angeles, you should be. Anyway. For the wonderful month of November, here are my recommendations:

Book: Blindness - Jose Saramago
I haven't finished it, but I'm almost there. It's been a great read so far. What with the exception of my occasional A.D.D I've found it very interesting. It has a similar dystopia feel to it like that of 1984 or Brave New World. This book is well written, so much so, I'm jealous. But then again, Saramago did win the nobel prize for literature. In the book, a merciless epidemic of white blindness is afflicting people, and the government, in effort to contain the mysterious epidemic, groups all of the blind together in a mental ward. One woman retains her sight, and with it, witnesses the criminal acts, the brutality, fear, and will power of man to survive. If you don't like books with run-on sentences, this isn't for you. My advice: and read the book.

Music: "Dreams"- Little Brother
Most refreshing rap I've heard in a longtime. I never tire of this song. This song is profound, with an amazing beat and flow to match. Heard it already? Then you know it's awesome. Even if you don't like rap, this is one of those songs that gets your head nodding anyway. Don't be ashamed. Nod away.I'll join you. A little information about the duo; they are Phonte and Big Pooh from Durham, North Carolina, and they aren't as big as they should be with the talent that they have. Another case of good musicians with bad marketing. They're signed to ABB, Atlantic Records. Give them a listen and check out their myspace http://www.myspace.com/littlebrother

Movie: Day of the Dead (2008)
First off, this movie isn't recommended for it's strong dialogue, intricate plot, or marvelous acting. It's about the zombies! I love zombies. And this movie has them going nuts. In fact, they're practically hybrids! They run, they jump, they crawl up walls, they comprehend speech, they even use weapons! And did I mention that Nick Cannon was in this movie? No, I'm not in love with Nick Cannon, I just think his acting is hilarious. And that one chick from the new 90210 on the CW. See? This movie already sounds promising. If you want to laugh, and be grossed out at the same time, this movie is for you. So grab some popcorn, and a friend that you like to talk to during movies...cause you will be talking. The movie is directed by Steve Miner, who directed Halloween H20, and Lake Placid. This movie is a remake of 1985 original, but who cares?! You won't be watching to see if it maintains the integrity of the original film.

Shops: American Vintage on Melrose
No, not the first one going east, the second one. There are two American Vintage stores on Melrose. The first one is great, but I like the second one because they have way more shit, and sometimes the prices are so great you think the tag might be wrong. Yes, it is a bit junky and depending on the day, the staff there can be pretty useless. Unlike Wasteland, the people there aren't stuck up their own asses, feeling superior because they're re-selling an old shirt for 50x the original price.

Food: Los Tacos Mexican Food
I love Mexican food. It sticks to your bones, and tastes awesome. I'm never hungry after I eat from this place. The food is awesome. I go frequently so I know the workers there, and they are nice people. It's open 24 hours, I think because of all of the clubs near this place. It's in boys-town, so if you're homophobic...bite it and go grab a burrito.http://www.yelp.com/biz/los-tacos-w-hollywood

And those are my recommendations for November.

I LOVE MY 90'S MUSIC, AND YOU DO TOO.

2009-11-28T11:38:00.002-08:00

TEQUILA SUNRISE

2009-11-28T10:06:00.000-08:00

It's only fitting that one of the tackiest people in the world of "celebrities" (what are we celebrating again?) names herself after one of the most hard-hitting, mind altering, disgustingly tasting hard liquors. As you can tell, I'm not a fan of Tila or Tequila. But this post isn't about bashing a girl who just makes it so easy for us. That isn't right. This is about the liquor. Or LAQUER as I like to call it. You'll find that at dictionary.com the definition is pretty fitting. Tequila...ruiner of all family functions. Especially if like my family, the family is part Mexican. Stereotypical? Yes. Get over it. This drink, tastes like castor oil, doused in sugar, with rubbing alcohol. Gross. But the people I know don't generally drink for the taste, but rather the effect of the alcohol on the body. Lowered inhibitions, please bartender. There are some good things about tequila though, for instance, the invention of new cuss words. "Fuckshit" was used most recently by a friend of mine who was heavily under the influence. Names will be left out, so no one will know it was you Danny. Another good thing, is the admitting of feelings: "I-I-I dunno if you know, but I know that I wanna be a-a-a fucking astronaut. Those guys get to put out fires and shit." Or the more scandalous truths: " I hate you. You fucking stole my bike in the 2th grade, you bitch. I've been waiting for weeks to tell you that." Then of course, someone would have to take the alcohol away from 7 year old Jimmytoney. I am usually the voyeur in these sorts of situations... will I tell you how you embaressed yourself by licking a lamp post last night? Of course,I will. Will I give you back the $150 you gave me thinking you were giving me $15 for another bottle of cheap liquor? Hell no. "Boozers are losers" as my cousin said, and in this scenario you'd be out $150. Yeah, you're a loser. And don't scoff at my $150... thinking "oh big deal, it's just $150." That money will be used to help post your bail when you try licking another lamp post.

JOINING THE RANKS OF TIM BURTON, LUDWIG VON BEETHOVEN AND WINSTON CHURCHILL

2009-11-28T09:15:00.001-08:00

Would I like to be categorized along with Beethoven? Yes! How about Tim Burton? Umm...YES. What about Winston Churchill? Y-E-S. Well, alright then! You're all Bi-polar. Oh. Well, that blows. And here I thought I was going to be given some kind of nobel prize... I wonder if any of the nobel prize winners had Bi-polar Disorder to some degree or another. Anyway, I recently decided that I should take some medical web questionnaires regarding bi-polar disorder. Why? Because I already know that I suffer from Clinical Depression, and yes, I mean suffer. With this knowledge, I took into account a number of other things that seem to be plaguging me. According to the questionnaires, there is a good chance I myself am bi-polar. However, helpful as these questions are, they generalize too much for my liking. Have I EVER been more confident than usual? Why, yes. Have I EVER gotten a small amount of sleep and felt totally ok with that? Yes, a few times. Have I EVER been more interested in sex than usual? Yes, but I thought that was just hormones and sexual arousal, perhaps from ovulation? Finally, have you EVER taken a quiz to find out whether you were bi-polar or not? Yes. By GOD! You're Bipolar. Needless to say, I don't think that I am. Because every question they asked me could have very well been circumstantial. Much like the commercials for new pharmaceuticals, diagnostic quizzes online have targeted everyone who has ever felt anything ever. So it looks as though I won't be hanging out with Winston Churchill, Tim Burton, Beethoven and Van Gogh at any of their Bi-polar socials anytime soon. Which is kind of sad, because I'd love to be there when they all had one of their manic episodes and started throwing instruments, paint and books at one another. Sounds like my kind of gathering. Can you imagine Van Gogh trying to grab one of Burton's ears? "Give it to me you daft stop-motion animator! Or I'll be giving you one hell of a nightmare before christmas!" *sigh* That would be awesome in all sense of the word.